Leadership

I was a leader in the 1970's. Often I was the only woman attorney in the courtroom then, and because of it, people just kept asking me to head organizations. I wound up being the first woman Chair of my local Economic Development Commission, drafting legislation,heading women's groups,helping the first women run for office, creating the first YMCA Latch Key Daycare, lobbying, speaking at colleges, and establishing a number of non-profit groups, among other things.

My family had not been leaders; they were more of the self-effacing, quiet types, and it was hard to figure just how to be. I am not sure I have totally figured things out; as the times change, so do the types of leaders that make it to the top. The people determine leaders, just as leaders influence the people.

But being a Christian, there was one thing I believed...never to ask someone to do something, I myself was not willing to do. I also believed in working side by side as a team...and having integrity.

My favorite leaders have been without a doubt ..Winston Churchill, to whom the whole world is indebted to for preserving democracy ( and who was also a wonderful self-taught artist), and my role model from way back...Abraham Lincoln...whose birthday I share.

A Great Book

I was lucky enough, a couple of months ago, to win a copy of a great book. I had taken a number of workshops on web 2.0 skills, and at a sort of giant workshop featuring the practical applications of wikis, blogs and other web 2.0 applications, there wound up being a kind of Jeopardy contest to see who had learned the most. I was one of the lucky people who walked off with a prize.

Lincoln on Leadership: Executive Strategies for Tough Times by Donald T. Phillips
was the prize. It most clearly sums up what I believe are the essentials of good leaders. It is a book lauded by Governor of New York Mario M. Cuomo, John Sculley, CEO of Apple Compuers, and Stephen R. Covey, author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

To summarize, the author believes that Lincoln was a man who knew how to influence people, who had tremendous courage, who knew how to be decisive, and who mastered the art of communication.

1. Regarding people skills:

• Lincoln knew enough to get out of his office and meet with the men who were doing the work for him
• He build good networks and alliances
• He was not a bully, but knew how to persuade others.

2. Regarding character:

• He never acted in a revengeful way
• He was an honest person and one of integrity
• He listened to his critics
• He dared to change his mind

3. Regarding his ability to lead:

• He had a clear vision
• He listened to others
• He mentored those he delegated work to, gave them a chance to succeed, but wasn't afraid to change those he delegated work to if they didn't produce results. General Grant's appointment was an example of this.
  
• He was a person who dared to think new things; he was the only President who ever obtained a patent for an invention. He was very interested in protecting men by looking into new weapons of defense, and invented one himself.

4. Concerning communication:

• He was an excellent public speaker
• Like Christ, he used storytelling to convey picture words to his audience
• He didn't try to talk above people to impress them, but at the most basic level everyone could understand with homespun stories- in his case, that the union must remain undivided.

All of this sounds easy to do, but of course it is not. In these troubled time, it is wonderful to have such a clear example of what leadership is supposed to be. People don't change; neither does human nature. What worked in the toughest times of the American experience,when family members were pitted against family members, could also work now.

Everyone should read this book; I could not possible convey how good it is, and nowhere else have I seen a more wonderful rendering of "Honest Abe". This book deserves to be bedside reading and enjoyed.

Taking Care of Yourself

If you don't take care of your body, no one else will. What will you live in when you wear out your body?

A while ago, I spoke about the importance of taking care of yourself when I heard that my young niece, aged 28, and with two kids under the age of five, had been diagnosed with cancer for the second time. The importance of this topic was further emphasized for me about two weeks later. Just after she was operated on, her Dad, in his 50's, was diagnosed with cancer,too.

They are an extremely close and loving family. Her Dad and Mom,who is my sister, in the space of a decade, have put three kids through college, paid for two weddings, had three grandchildren, gone on family trips camping and to Disneyland....in short, they have been "super" parents, and have had very little time for themselves.

My young nieces work more than full time, while trying to buy and make over houses, raise happy kids, help the grandparents....in short, do more than was ever expected of people since probably the pioneer or war years. It is impossible, and the growing number of women who are coming down with cancer in their 30's is a positive indication of this.

My experience
I am no authority, but I do know, that in the 1980's, after being one of the first women in law , then working three jobs as a teacher, I developed a tumor in my throat in my late 30's. I was lucky; mine was benign. When my doctor said my growth might recur, and that doctors weren't sure what caused it, I figured alot had to do with stress, and sought out people in the psychology field to find out, including going to a workshop where people from Harvard spoke, and attending a talk presented by Bernie Siegel, after I was lucky enough to hear about and read his books. I later wound up studying and certifying as a "body therapist", after researching, and hearing about another person interested in the psychogical causes of lots of illnesses.

Alexander Lowen, a "brainiac", who was among other things, an attorney, doctor, and therapist, created a form of psychotherapy called"Bioenergetics". He had made the connection between stress, people who felt "trapped" in some way and were not letting out emotions, and resulting illnesses, like cancer and tumors.

Overworked, and feeling that I could neither voice my needs or my complaints, I learned I had let them bottle inside, with the result that I once visited three doctors in one week. I had to I learn how to relax, find time to sleep, (I felt like I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom, and during my best years often had just five hours sleep), and let out my feelings. Twenty years later, my growth has not recurred.

To find the answer, I read like my life depended on it; it did!
I learned to take life slower, and that books often have the answers...or some of them.

These are books and authors I recommend if you are suffering from stress related illnesses...and I personally believe that most illnesses are. One of my favorite sayings is, "One does not die from an illness, but from one's whole life".

1. Greg Anderson's The Cancer Conqueror
2. Bernie Siegel's Love Medicine and Miracles
3. Louise Hay's You Can Fight for Your Life
4. John -Roger and Peter McWilliams Life 101
5. Jon Zabat Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living
6. Alexander Lowen's The Betrayal of the Body

What do these great minds say?

Greg Anderson emphasizes the importance of a positive attitude. If you feel like a victim, and act like a victim, you may become one. Instead think positive, and research to find answers for your illness, both in the area of rest, medicines, exercise, looking for support, and eating the right food. Believe you can conquer your illness.

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• Bernie Siegel says the same thing. Don't worry about being a "good patient"; the ones who live the longest aren't. They can be pains in the necks, but they push until they find answers. One has to be one's own coach and mediator. Sometimes the "cure" means getting away from toxic situations sometimes, like a bad job.

• Louise Hay, as well as Alexander Lowen, and Bernie Siegel, believe that "disease" or "un-ease" is a message from the body telling us that something is wrong with the way we are living. People inherit genetic predispositions to certain illnesses based on their ethnic or family background, but the people who develop an illness, do so, because the stressful circumstances in the environment wear out a person's immune system and the person is worn out. Louise Hay believes that each part of our body means something; people with heart attacks may really have "broken hearts".

• John Roger and McWilliams believe that people make a great mistake when they try to do everything at once. As they say, "You can have and do anything you want in life, but not all at the same time." The things you acquire require maintenance; one can't just pile up things and experiences ad infinitum. It was because of their wisdom and my tumor, that I worked just part time while raising my daughter.I know people think they have to work, and maybe do, while trying to do it all...but there is a price! Space it out!

• Jon Zabat Zinn talks about how to meditate and take time out for oneself....What is that? I can remember when I didn't even have ten minutes to do that. He speaks about a body scan daily. Many people are not in touch with their bodies at all and think they are machines. Take the time to ask yourself every day, "What hurts?" What is my body trying to tell me.
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• Other good people that have written about their illnesses
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• Larry King spoke about learning how not to panic during his heart attack, and Norman Cousins about the importance of finding humor in life, like watching comedies. He credits watching old ones with saving his life.

• Still other good people have talked about the benefits of having pets. For me, they are a salvation. They make me laugh, force me to exercise, show me how to relax, and make me feel loved and cared for unconditionally.

Again, I am not an authority, like at an AAA meeting, take what you can use and leave the rest.

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My New Year's Resolutions

This is going around in alot of emails; wish I knew who it was from...but it sure is true...

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Focus on what you can control.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Why the title?

Why the Title?

Well, the full quote, the title is borrowed from is from St. Exupery’s The Little Prince. It is “What is essential is invisible to the eye.” Some people think that the book, which is in allegory form, is a children’s book, but St. Exupery said he actually wrote it for adults. A pilot who loved to fly, almost more than anything else, he wrote about flying and what he thought about when he was in the air before he died mysteriously in an airplane crash. His other interest was relationships, and why people do the things they do.

The quote has always been a favorite of mine, and so I would like to discuss in this blog what I think is important. As I enter my 6th decade, I have managed to garner what I think is a little wisdom, which I would like to share. (I can see the younger bloggers yawning and signing off now.)

So, in this blog I will talk about the importance of taking care of you, what has given me joy, what has kept me going, some interesting books or people I have met. Because at the present moment I am interested in health, writing and teaching, as well as leadership, there will be information about those subjects as well.

You’ll notice, I first mentioned, the importance of taking care of yourself, so that is what I would like to talk about first.

What prompted this?

I just received some upsetting news a few days ago. One of my nieces, the one with my coloring, in fact, was just diagnosed for the second time with cancer, this time in her throat. What is more unsettling is that she is 33 years young and has two children under the age of five, including adorable Emma.

Being my usual bookish self, I went out yesterday to a second hand book store, and bought every book I could find on the subject. I had some good ones in mind, because the truth is that when I was in my early 40’s, in the middle of an examination I was undergoing to adopt a baby, it was discovered that I had a lump in my throat that the doctor suspected was cancer as well. I know what it is like to live under a bell jar for awhile, and I know that I read everything I could on the subject, and later even certified as a “body therapist”.

I was lucky, my tumor was benign, but I was told nineteen years ago that it might happen again.
What I learned from my therapy, was that stress was a major factor, and that depending on genetics and environmental factors, cancers and tumors express themselves in parts of one’s body that express unmet needs, or problems, and that one should listen to one’s body for the “lesson “ to be learned. I also learned about the value of more sleep, relaxing, expressing one’s feelings, and becoming a Type A instead of a Type B.

The problem then, with me, as with my niece, was that I couldn’t figure out how to do this. I was stressed because I had no time, not even time to read; wouldn’t not doing what I was supposed to do create even more stress? If there is a personality that gets cancer, how do you change yourself? Well, fortunately, I am not the only person who has considered the subject.

I will talk about what others had to say in my next blog, but think about this. If you are in an airlines crash, the stewardesses tell you to put on your oxygen mask before even your child’s. If you can’t save yourself, you can’t save him/her, and I will leave you with this quote I read once on a wall, where I studied Bioenergetics:

Where will you live if you wear out your body?

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